There’s a major lesson I’ve learned during my time being single, and that lesson is……*drumroll please*
When someone likes you, they will make time for you.
I know you guys are thinking…”Um duhhhh Avia.” But think about it for a moment. How many times have you found yourself wrapped up into someone you really like and had to question if they felt the same way based off their actions (or lack of)? Though this seems like the most simplistic discovery, it took me a while to come to terms with it.
The scenario is pretty typical across the board for both genders. You meet someone you’re attracted to — we’ll call them Person A. You guys exchange numbers and end up talking on the phone
for hours. You go out a few times and everything seems magical. You guys laugh and talk about everything. Y’all just mesh well. Chalk it up to infatuation, but everything feels so right. Person A makes it a point to express their interest in you and your heart skips a beat. Finally, you think to yourself, you’ve met someone who gives you the butterflies you forgot you could still experience (to all the guys, don’t front- you know you’ve felt this way too).
Then after a while, you and Person A kinda lose touch. You call and text Person A per usual, and they respond, but maybe not as prompt as they used to. Then you realize whenever you do talk, it’s because the conversation was initiated by you. You wonder what happened? Are you reaching out too much? Have they moved on to another? You don’t want to seem uninterested, but on the flip don’t want to be caught dead being thirsty.
Maybe Person A is just really busy, you say to yourself. Sure Person A could be focused on their career, trying to establish a level of success for themselves. And of course they probably have friends to catch up with and/or family to spend quality time with….not mention hobbies they partake in during the free time they have outside the whirlwind of whatever being an adult consists of. And you not only understand that but admire it. You like that the person you’re into has “stuff” going on for themselves. Hot shit. Who really wants to be the one trynna impose on that…Right?
WRONG. Last time I checked we were all adults and we all had “stuff” going on. Most of us have jobs/careers, and we are all busying ourselves with whatever things we do in our free time that make us happy. What makes someone else’s schedule more important than our own? Nothing.
When someone likes you, they will make time for you.
When someone likes you, there is no imposing or interfering. When someone really likes you, they will want to spend whatever free time they do have with you. I’m not talking about on a suffocating tip, I’m talking about making the actual effort to fit you into whatever schedule they have for themselves because they truly want to.
I’ve had to come to this conclusion many a times. One particular time was last year when I was “corresponding” (we weren’t necessarily in the “talking” phase yet) with a Person A–we’ll call him Lance. Lance and I had gone out a few times and it was clear there was a strong mutual interest and chemistry between us. Lance even expressed this to me a few times. But then there was a switch. Lance started taking his sweet time responding back to my texts, sometimes not responding til the next day if at all. Lance also made promises to call like before, and for the most part, didn’t follow through. This made not a lick of sense, considering his phone was just about super-glued to his hand (due to his profession). I felt like I was chasing him..and I’ll be damned if I feel that way especially since I’m a female (guys don’t you like the thrill of the chase anymore??). When I brought it up in conversation, he apologized like typical Person A types tend to do and said things would change.
Sidenote: The beginning of the end of a relationship on any level is someone having to bring up the fact that the other person isn’t reciprocating like before. Don’t all of a sudden keep in touch with me because I said something. Do it because you actually want to. And if you don’t want to or aren’t interested, don’t initiate ANY-THING with me.
Welp, that didn’t happen. I decided to let him show me his word was bond and that’s when his true colors showed. On one occasion he went as far as initiating plans with me and never called me back when he was supposed to be on his way to picking me up. Trifling right?
Needless to say, I was irked to the highest degree. I think a lot of time when we meet someone we click with and are attracted to, we hope for the best. There’s always a glimmer of hope that something serious could come from the situation which in turn keeps us in a possibly dead-end situation longer than we should be. But that was THEE last straw.
I know some of y’all are thinking “he had to have been messing with other girls”. Lance and I weren’t committed to each other so hey, he could do what he wanted. I just didn’t appreciate him blatantly keeping me on the back burner so that he could have his cake and eat it too. Him making plans with me just to leave me high and dry was like a kid failing a test, asking the teacher for a make-up exam, and not showing up to take it. Who does that?
Look, I get it. “playing hard to get” is the major trend in the dating scene in 2014 (and surprisingly for both genders). Nowadays no one wants to seem too available– hence why people purposely respond to texts/calls late knowing damn well they saw the message/call 3 minutes after receiving it. And just like Lance didn’t have time for me, I didn’t have time to sit there and try to decipher if I was mistaking his sudden non-interest, for a game.
A little reflection helped me to realize that we all have the same 24 hours and having a life never stopped anyone from putting in the effort to follow through. I know how I treat someone when I’m just not that into them, and I also know how someone treats me when they truly like me. If someone else’s actions towards me are more like former than the latter, it’s clearly time to chuck the deuces.
When a person likes you they won’t constantly make excuses for why they need to renig out of plans.
When a person likes you, they won’t lead you on.
When a person likes you, they are CONSISTENT
When a person truly likes you, they won’t be constantly apologizing…..there’s nothing to apologize about if they’re doing the right thing.
When a person likes you they won’t constantly make excuses.
When a person likes you they won’t constantly make excuses (just had to make sure you heard me the first time).
When a person truly likes you, you will never feel like you are chasing them to no end because they will match and reciprocate your efforts.
Keep those things in mind and you’ll be well on your way to knowing exactly when it’s time to give a situation up without feeling like you didn’t give it your all.
I believe Oprah said it best: When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
I hear ya!! And totally agree! lol
Thanks for reading Ife!
I definitely agree. Well written piece.
Thank you Joel!
I agree Avia. Well-written piece. And when I read articles like this, I don’t get upset at the ones who aren’t worth my time, but I think of the people who DO love me and treat me like a priority and I appreciate them even more!
Thank you Shanell! And you’re right, those people who treat you the way you want to be treated (whether you like them or not) makes it even more obvious when someone you do like isn’t doing so. We all need to set standards for what we are willing to put up with, and shouldn’t ignore what we deserve for the sake of infatuation.