Open Letter to Drake


Dearest Aubrey,

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, thank you a million times over. I and other females are forever grateful to you for your creative talent in making “No New Friends”. While you may be busy kicking frauds and overzealous groupies out your booth at Greystone, I have found different ways to benefit from this line.

Ladies, you already know the drill when it comes to guys you aren’t interested in approaching you. They step to you, maybe chalk up a corny line then proceed to ask for the digits like they’ve said enough to earn it. You then respond with “I’m sorry, I have a boyfriend” and are elated that the shut down is over. …But it’s not. This fool is persistent which is an admirable trait but not in this sitch.

“Yo, everything your man won’t do I will,” he beams, proud of himself. “So let me get your number so I can take you out sometime.”

“As nice as that sounds, I don’t think my man would appreciate that,” you say being nice but as stern as possible.

Then comes the most played out response in the history of game: “Well, that’s cool, we can just be friends then.”

“GET OUT MY FACE, I ALREADY TOLD YOU NO THIRSTYASZZZ!” you wanna scream as you try to calmly to look for an exit line and come to no avail.

But thanks to the help of Drake, you can respond “No new friends” in confidence…..I mean honestly, what can a dude say after that? I’ve actually taken the liberty of trying the line out when I found myself victim to this situation in the club and it worked. The song happened to be playing which gave me the inspiration. The dude laughed like I was trynna be funny, but I quickly followed up with a smirk saying, “haa…..,” a slow shake of the head, replying “I’m actually so serious about this,” and he got the hint.

So Mr. Graham, my my most heartfelt apologies that my open letter to you was more of a conversation to my ladies…but I thank you now and thank you later for your entertaining one liners like this, that will keep the stage five clingers of the world at bay. MUAH.

Keep em coming….



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