Someone once told me that one of the great things about being in your thirties is that you know yourself better. She said because of this, you not only make better life decisions, but are very confident and sure of the decisions you make.
As I’m 2 days away from thirty, one decision I have made within the past year is that if there is anyone who is toxic to my life, I will cut them off.
“Ooooh Avia you’re so harsh…” I can imagine some of you saying. But really, it’s not about being harsh, it’s about doing what’s best for me and my sanity.
I live a pretty drama free life, and I believe it’s due to the fact that I have a pretty good sense of people’s character which reflects in the types of individuals I keep around me. So it’s pretty rare where I find myself in compromising situations with people.
So normally, this kind of post wouldn’t even apply to me. But within the past year, I’ve actually had to deal with a situation where I had to make the decision to cut someone off.
The person was someone I was dating….I mean seeing…I mean talking to (who really knows the difference? I’ll have to revisit that on a future post). And of course like most, they were cool when I first met them: hardworking, driven, motivational, had the same sense of humor as me, understood my mindset, and I had fun with them, etc, etc. But that’s the thing about getting to know someone new. Everytime you meet someone, you are meeting their representative…their representative being the best, most admired, and respectable fragments of their personality all rolled into a nice little package topped with a bow. The interesting thing about people playing off of their representative is that it takes way too much work for them to consciously keep it up, so eventually their true personality takes over. The question is, once the facade unravels, is that person worth being in your life?
In my sitch, the unraveling highlighted some red flags. Though I considered these flags to be detrimental, I kind of ignored them at first, because I wanted to give that person the benefit of the doubt, in hoping they were temporary. But eventually it got to a point where they couldn’t be ignored. Sure this person brought things to my life that were beneficial to me, but it wasn’t worth the hurt and constant emotional rollercoaster that came long with it, and I oftentimes wondered why I even chose to deal with them (especially when I had dealt with so much better in the past).
It wasn’t until almost a year after I met him, that I made the decision to reduce his role in my life. He had shown time and time again that he didn’t deserve the pedestal I had once placed him on, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I’d probably be letting him go for good.
Cutting someone off is sometimes not easy. We are human, We have feelings. And when those feelings are invested into someone, we usually want to give that person a chance to show us that they can be who their representatives made us think they were. But if that person (whether it be a friend, family member, or someone you’re dating) brings more heartache in your life than value, then it’s time to cut the cord.
Some people are just toxic. Not everyone deserves a 2nd, 5th, or a 9th chance to get it right. You are to be valued, and associating with someone who doesn’t treat you as such, sends a message to the world that you don’t. Life is too short to be dealing with people who aren’t worth your time. Most of us know deep down inside when something just isn’t right for us….you know, we have that thing
we like to ignore that helps us out called intuition..?
Once I reduced dude’s role in my life, it was so much easier cutting him off for good. And let me tell you the weight that was lifted afterwards NEVER.FELT.BETTER. In retrospect, that situation with him let me know how on point my own intuition was. It was the epitome of Maya Angelou’s quote:
When someone shows you who they are, believe them, the first time.
Just like there is a cuffing season, there needs to be a cutting season. We should all take the time to reevaluate who is in our lives, and who has overstayed their welcome there. Trust me when I say it’s not the end of the world when you cut someone toxic off. I like to think of it more of a fresh beginning.