They say a picture is worth a thousand words. And luckily with Instagram people can send whatever thousand word facade or message they want to the world. But sometimes the pictures that people choose to put up brink on the edge of narcissism. I know, I knowwww, anyone can say that us IG people are narcissistic by default anyways, because to a certain extent we believe that someone, anyone, would be interested in whatever we post.
But some of this ish I see makes me unfollow people. So in no particular order, check out what types of pics irk me the most below:
1. #Gymflow Pics– I’m sorry am I the only one that really doesn’t care to post myself looking cray after a workout? And unless you are a fine, God crafted specimen like Jay R. Ellis, or an actual fitness buff like @Mankofit, what makes you think someone wants to see you drenched in sweat with your headphones in, looking dead in the mirror, with your #NoDaysOff hashtag? Word of advice: why don’t you take a day off….from posting gym selfies. Trust me, you’ll be okay.
2. Male Public Bathroom Selfies– Men, here is the main reason why a girl can take a public bathroom selfie and you cannot. YOUR BATHROOM HAS URINALS. So unless you’ve angled your camera in a direction where they can’t be seen, just don’t do it. It’s not sexy.
3. Multiple Pictures of the Same Thing in The Same Day– You while posing on the stairs, you while leaning against the wall, you while looking into the far off distance while standing on the corner. We get it….you like your outfit. But newsflash: you are insta-whoring. Give someone else a chance to shine on your followers’ timelines. So hey I have a good idea. There’s this thing, you might of heard of it, called Picstitch where you can create your own collages, so why don’t you take those 3 pics and condense them in one and then you can be your own IG fashion blogger?
4. Deep Captions w/a Shallow Picture-Have you ever seen someone post a smiling selfie of them sitting in their car with the caption reading something along the lines of: “You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
Look I know Instagram doesn’t always have to be serious, let along logical, but what DAFUQ told you that a quote from Christopher Columbus out of all people, would coincide perfectly with your selfie? Just wondering…..just wondering.
5. Duck Faces– Soooo 2012.
6. Thirst Trapping– This is a UNISEX crime! Guys you are definitely guilty of the shirtless, lying down, arm behind head, slight bite of the lip, in a daze look, “Good Night” captioned pictures. And the females have the smouldering bedroom eye looks with minimal clothing ones, with 5 emojis. Save that for your
cut cuffing buddies ya heathens.
7. Ugly Food Pics– If you posted a pic of the skirt steak, greens, and rice combo you prepared and it looks more like cajun cow dung, swamp remains, and birdseed, then maybe you need to DM it to @cookingforbae so you and your “Chef Boyardee” self can get some shine. And if you don’t, trust me, someone else will do it for you. Homie. It’s simple, if you have to ask yourself if it looks good, then it probably doesn’t. I can cook to a certain extent, but I’m far from Rachael Ray. So what you won’t see is me posting all my dummy dishes until I improve. Just know your weaknesses. If cooking is one of them, then wait to post a pic until it becomes your strength.
8. Blatant Lying– In the midst of a trillion filters, enhancements, and editing tools on our phones, I can wholeheartedly say that a #NoMakeUp #NoFilter picture is refreshing to see. But ladies, please don’t sit up here and lie about those hashtags to make it seem like you are naturally prettier than you really are. Because last time I checked, filters didn’t add eyeliner, or mascara, or your favorite Kylie Jenner nude lipstick to make your pout look bigger. Try and game the dudes that follow you into thinking you woke up like that, but trust and believe all your girl followers will know what’s up with the “au naturel-esque” make up face. And really, what is the point of lying? #DoBetter
Well folks, that’s all I can think of for now. What are some of your Instagram qualms? Let me know what I missed.
And remember, taking selfies doesn’t make you narcissistic– the amount of them, along with the frequency of them being posted, does.