Thirty B4 Thirty: Day- 22 I’m Not Ready To Be Thirty…Or Am I?


It’s officially the last week of my twenties.

Am I ready?


That pretty much sums it up.

When I was younger, thirty seemed like an old age. But the funny thing about growing up is that the closer you get to the age you thought was old, the less you see it as being old.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it is a real blessing to be able to say that I’ve lived this long and to have had the experiences I’ve had. But when I hear thirty, I think of someone who isn’t me at this very moment.

I guess I feel this way based off how I view the twenties. I see the twenties as the time where you finish school, make the strides towards building a foundation for your career, be young-wild-free, make mistakes without judegement from others, move around, etc, etc, etc. But to carry any of that into 30? 30 is that age where someone would say “I can’t believe she did (enter XYZ thing here) she’s thirty! She should know better!”

And it’s only because when I think of thirty, I think of someone who has it all together. The perfect job, great relationship, owns their own home, is financially stable, maturity, and has a greater sense of self. And out of all of those things, the last two are really the only ones I can wholeheartedly say I have.

At times, I think living in New York City during my twenties has created a false sense of accomplishment. NYC is this great, huge global brand name city. When people hear that you live here, they automatically think you’re successful.

But if there’s one thing that I’ve learned while being out here, it’s that just because someone lives in NYC, it doesn’t mean they’ are doing big things.

Sure, living and maintaining a lifestyle, and surviving in one of the most expensive cities in the country could be seen as a feat. But who wants to survive?

I want to THRIVE.

And I think that’s the main reason why I feel like I’m not where I should be for thirty. I haven’t accomplished thriving.

Some have said that I have a tendency to be hard on myself. And I admit, that I do, but sometimes I just need to be honest with myself. I know that I have a lot to offer in this world. I know my own potential.  But the thing about knowing what you are capable of is, you also know where you stand, how much you need to progress, and how far you have to go. And I know that I have a lonnng way to go.

On the flip side, there’s times where I think being hard on myself has hindered me. Being hard on myself has driven me to semi-live by American societal standards. American society drives us to believe we should have it all together at 30. It makes us think that if by thirty, we don’t have marriage/kids/home/high paying job, that something is not right  or maybe we’ve really just dodged a bullet?. But really:

Who’s to say what anyone should be at 30?

Why do I think I’m not where I need to be at 30?

Where do I “need to be”?

In the real world we are are all trying to make our way through this journey of adulthood. The reality is, no one has it all together all the time. The ups and downs of life affect everything we do and shape us into who we are.

What I have learned in this 29 years, is that there is no one way to live this life successfully. As long as I stay true to myself, recognize where I can grow, and most importantly take action on it, I think I will finally get to that point of THRIVING.

In the righteous words of the young prophet Meek Mill, “it’s levels to this ______”.

i-may-not-where-i-need-to-be-but-thank-god-im-not-where-i-used-to-be-quote-1

 

DAY 22

 

 

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Categories: 30 Days Before 30Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

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