I knew I shouldn’t have gone out last night.

And this isn’t one of those statements said in retrospect.

I knew damn well I should’ve stayed my behind at home before I went out. But buying a costume and a ticket to the Halloween party I was going to were the two major things that kept me from changing my mind (not to mention I hate renigging on my girls).

Getting HAZED upon entry (I’m sorry last time I checked, I never tried to pledge anything but Me Phi Me) while being stuck in the cold rain was the ultimate bish that killed my vibe last night all before I even stepped foot into the crowded, diverse, sweat box of a party.  The additional buzzkiller? Having to stand in the long azz bathroom line just to relieve myself before I could make my way to the dance floor. And due to various other happenings (that I don’t have the energy to type out), the night kept going downhill following that.

As a seasoned vet partygoer I know how to tell when there’s no chance at reviving my vibe. Last night it was Migos. “Fight Night”, MY JAM, came on and I was completely unbothered. I tried to get into it but I was kidding myself. And that song for me right now is the song that could immediately get me on my feet after sitting down during a whole Caribbean set. Sorry, no offense to those that live off drinking rum and Redbull, I’m not really into Caribbean sets… I can only “Scooby Doo” and what not for so long before I get bored. #NotSorry.

So once I myself have internally confirmed that my vibe has been brutally murdered, it’s really hard to come back from it. Like really hard…Because in my mind I’ve already taken a big fat L for the night. I’ve waved my little white flag, upset as hell ready to sleep it off and try again the next day. But I was at this party a bit stuck and prideful thinking “Hell no I ain’t leaving-I bought a costume and paid $30 for this ish-And I never pay to get into parties-And it took me forever to get in-So I’m staying and getting my money’s worth!”

My money’s worth I did not get. Instead I got a lesson.

See, its times like last night that make me realize that I need to listen to that little voice inside of me a little bit more (my intuition I mean…my “Whisper”, for all you Oprah watchers). My instincts told me that the party wasn’t going to be a good look before purchasing the ticket for it and yet because of peer influence I did it anyways. There are times in my life where I feel like I’ve tested my instincts and they always win. Like, I’ll know something is bad for me… I’ll know I shouldn’t be doing XYZ thing, and my curiosity leads me astray only to have me realizing my instinct knew what was up the whole time.

And that’s the thing about instincts. Trusting in them and believing in them is much like living by faith and not by sight.

When I don’t trust my instinct, I feel like I get punished from it. No, okay let me not say punished, I get a lesson in a wrapper of what feels like a punishment….Ultimately, I get one more confirmation that I need to trust in myself. And that’s key.

I’m hoping that me coming to these revelations as I get closer to the big 3-0 keep me line. I knew that I would’ve gotten more outta watching a marathon of Fresh Prince Bel-Air re-runs than going to that party (yes my night was that bad). And had I trusted my instincts, I could’ve done just that…

DAY 1